Societal Expectations

I know this week we moved on to racial formations, but I had an interesting conversation that completely pertained to this class that I wanted to share. I was at my friend's house for Easter this weekend, and two of her family friends sat next to me during brunch. The first was Craig who is around 50 years old, divorced, and brilliant. The other was Chris who is 27, quirky, slightly emo, and very self-conscious. Somehow we started talking about how men and women are perceived and what exactly their perfect woman consisted of.

Craig believed women had it much harder in society than men. He thought women were constantly having to prove themselves and that as a man he felt no need to try and justify to his peers why, for example, he had earned a promotion. Chris, however, believed that a man he was always in the difficult position. He said that he never felt like he was worthy enough of asking a girl for her number and that women had some sort of upper hand. Chris is about as far from a hegemonic male as you can get, despite being straight, and I wanted to explain that this is why he felt like that. He doesn't conform to how society depicts a male, and because of that he feels insecure when approaching women. Craig is extremely successful and very bright, so he never struggled with his masculinity.

When describing their perfect woman, Craig just wanted someone who was kind and honest. Chris, however, had a checklist of how he wanted his girlfriend to be. He wanted a girl who was "hot" but not "too hot" because he didn't want to feel unworthy. As for her personality, he wants a girl who is slightly aloof. His past girlfriends, he explained, all had some major problem in their lives, like a father who was never around or just a messed up family in general. Everything about Chris explained perfectly why he wanted a shy, damaged girl; these imperfections made him feel superior to her and that is why she was attracted to him.

The conversation felt like a chapter from Masculinities coming to life. These two men had completely opposite personalities and self-awarenesses and their perfect woman and view of society reflected each respectfully.