Brothers and Sisters

With all this talk of Freud in the past week I had begun to notice little things that reflected our readings. What surprised me the most was what happened to me a few days ago, in fact, it was so Freudian I couldn't wait to blog about it. I was sitting in a nice restaurant, on a date (yes, college kids do go on dates) with this guy that I really like. We were talking about this and that and then settled upon the topic of TV shows. I was telling him about which shows I like, which shows I don't like, and which shows I secretly watch even though I know they are ridiculous, when he smirked and said, "You are just like my sister." I froze. This, this was Freud, right there, right in front of me. I knew in advance that this guy who I was at dinner with has a twin sister. In fact, they are both in each others profile pictures on facebook (A little odd, in my opinion). I had always had it in my mind that men look for women that remind them of their mothers, but in this case, it was his sister that he was trying to replicate. I got very weirded out for a few minutes because my mind started racing about all of the weird Freudian things like sucking your thumb and I had soon zoned out of the conversation completely.

So I began to think to myself: Does he like me for me? Or does he like me simply because I remind him of his sister? Freud had crawled up into my mind and laid his darn psychoanalysis eggs in my brain, and it now seemed impossible to get the idea out of my head. I tried to think about all of the similarities between his sister and I, and even though there were alot of them, there were also just as many differences. While it may be true that in ways I remind him of his sister, in other ways he reminds me of my dad. (Yes, I know that's weird, I don't even like to think about it, Freud is just freaking me out at this point). My dad has always had a beard, and when I first started dating this guy he had a similar beard. He also is a traditional gentleman, the kind that stands up when women sit down, etc, which my dad always did. So I guess I can't criticism him for falling into Freud's trap, because I apparently have too. But is that so bad? I mean, I'm happy right now, and that's all that matters. I just don't like to think about it too much...or else I get weirded out. I think it's time to move on from Freud.

-Elle

Freud and Oedipus ?

When going over our Freud reading the only thing going through my mind was the fact that i thought his ideas were very strange. I do not know much about his background but if I find that he had a very unusual childhood I would not be surprised. At the end of the day I know that he is perhaps the biggest influence in psychology and after sitting in class and listening to our professor's lecture and other students discussing it, I do have an open mind to many of the things I read about Freud that if I read a month ago I would stop midway through thinking he was crazy or that he was reading too much into everything that was happening around him. 
The only theory I can not get around is the Oedipus theory. That theory was actually the one I was excited to gain information from having read the story, watched the play and the movie for my English class in freshman year. Freud said that children go through a phase in life where they love their opposite sex parent and hate their same sex parent. And as our professor explained in lecture he believes that this factor happens in our unconscious mind like when we are dreaming. He says we should know that these thoughts that come in our dreams are normal and do not mean that we are going to act out on them. He ensures the fact that we outgrow this stage and if one doesn't then they need more psychological help. I personally cannot relate to this theory what so ever. Therefore I wonder if Freud had an unusual childhood and he explains something as normal when in fact it is not. I am not trying to offend anyone that believes in the Oedipus theory of Freud but I can %100 say that I do not agree with it. Having said that I want to share with you a brief summary of Oedipus' story because some may argue that it's disturbing but if you read the book and watch the play it is actually a beautiful piece of art established from a disturbing thought. Oedipus was the king of Thebes. When he was a child an old man told him that he was adopted and when he grew up he was going to kill his father and marry his mother. The story goes on with him so desperately trying to avoid this but ends up killing his father and marrying his mother and even having children with her. It is a very long play but only showing the process of Oedipus finding out that his wife is in fact his mother. It ends very dramatically with Oedipus tearing his eyes out. In fact this image : http://redlefthand.tumblr.com/post/4639286325/has-anyone-read-or-seen-the-play-or-seen-the-movie
i wanted to share with you. I posted it on my blog a long time ago when I was fascinated with this story and it's a statue of Oedipus with bleeding tears.
Anyway, I do think that children might be attached to their parents, My little brother definitely has that relationship with my mom right but so did I. 

How to Win the Gender War: Sexism and Teens

For this week’s blog I’ll be talking about the article “How to Win the Gender War: Sexism and Teens” by Vanessa Van Petten. This is the link: http://www.radicalparenting.com/2009/05/12/how-to-win-the-gender-war-sexism-and-teens-teen-article/

This article talks about the gender roles existing in society and how that affects the teenagers. The writer of the article mentions the fact of how children quickly learn their roles as they are growing; boys become man-like just like their fathers while girls become ladylike and grow up like their mothers. The writer also goes on and explains that teenager boys are rebuked when are for example wearing girlish clothes or accessories while girls are not as much rebuked as boys when they dress up as boys. Hence, the author soon later questions the readers about the fact that teenagers are not free to express themselves as they want to be.

The article really impacted me in various ways. Most of all, the author’s question of ‘why should we have to be a certain way?’ and ‘isn’t this what being a teenager is all about?’ really struck me. The teenage years are the time when children find their true identities that is hidden within. Hence, I agree with the author in the fact that teenagers should be untouched by their parents when it regards the issue of gender. Teenagers have the excuse of ‘being a teenager’ and can freely express their different sexual choices. What is wrong if a boy likes to wear the color pink, which is normally considered a ‘feminine’ color? Also, what is wrong if a girl likes to dress up as a tomboy in jeans and a baggy t-shirt? It is very frustrating that growing children are not allowed to express themselves freely just because society has drawn a line of clear expectations. Due to the society’s definition of men and women, teenagers are inclined to follow that stereotypical definition and therefore grow up to become proper men and women. In my opinion, the society should stress less of the definition that they have in mind and accept and allow the growing teenagers to find their sexual identities deep within. 

Women are Incomplete??

I definitely agree with Simone de Beauvoir in that men viewed women as objects instead of human beings. De Beauvoir also stated how men viewed women as inessential and incomplete. I find it very interesting how humans can declare women to be incomplete or mutilated, if you will, based on the fact that they do not have a penis. I cannot understand how a man who has a mother does not treat women with the same respect as he treats other men. I find that how someone is raised and the environment they grew up in plays an amazingly influential role in who they become. If they grew up in a racist household, they will most likely be racist. If they grew up in a sexist household, they will most likely be sexist.

I can support my inferences with a television show I watched. It was a talk show in which about 10 people who were racists were questioned about why they were racist. The racists on the show used many excuses, however, the major excuse used was "I learned it from my environment and where I came from." This greatly exhibits how a person is definitely influenced by their environments growing up and also learn and grasp things at a very young age. What normal people perceive as heinous and wrong a racist might perceive as normal, since they grew up around an environment where racism was normal. This theory can also provide a reason for sexism if a child observes that his mother does all the cooking and cleaning in the house while his father makes the money it sends a message to the child that this is normal and that he should not have to help his wife with the dishes when he gets married. These perceived gender roles and stereotypes need to become demolished by teaching children at a young age to be tolerant to not only different races, but, also to different sexes.  

Freud's Infantile Sexuality Theory- sane or insane?

      According to Freud, at ages of four to five, infants develop sexual instinct and learn how to physically pleasure themselves. For example, thumb sucking is considered as “a sample of sexual manifestations of childhood” (Freud 45), which is followed by act of defecation as ways of inducing highly pleasurable sensations. Yet, parents monitor their children to teach them how to repress their sexual desires by associating sexual desires with disgust, feelings of shame and moral condemnation. And after long duration of latency period, sexual instincts emerge with great intensity, which Freud denotes as puberty.

      Indeed, the majority, including myself, will be disturbed by Freud’s conviction that infants have sexual desires because it defeats our traditional perception of babies as naïve and innocent beings. Some could argue that thumb sucking is a subconscious action that is mere extension of the babies’ instinct to put everything in their mouth out of curiosity. On the other hand, however, it is not abnormal for babies to manifest sexuality because very adult was once a child. As Freud mentions in the second essay, despite of the infantile amnesia, “impressions that we have forgotten have none the less [leave] the deepest traces on our minds and have determining effect upon our later development” (Freud 41). Such premise is certainly reasonable and hence cannot be neglected.

      Furthermore, Freud argues that infantile sexuality is never ‘entirely’ natural but is shaped by parents, culture and society. When taking a good look at the contemporary society, one could easily observe that nearly all forms of media portray sexuality and provocative images. Regarding the fact that two-thirds of toddlers watch TV an average of 2 hours a day, it is undeniable that adult sexuality is becoming more accessible and explicit to infants. Though the infants do not have the capacity to process and judge everything they see, exposing adult sexuality to children may nevertheless hamper the sublimation of their inner desires. Until today, Frued’s theory of infantile sexuality remains controversial. However, his theories and observations have merits that trigger us to ponder the very fundamentals of our psychology.

Kinship

We discussed many things during the last discussion. I was particularily interested in the Kinship system that first arose from Gayle Rubin's passage, "The Truth In Women." We discussed the advantages and disadvantages of the system that I would like to reiterate here, as well as discuss the depth of the negative implications that are encountered due to the system.

The benefits of the system are straighforward, by receiving gifts, individuals in the society are able to create a bond, discuss their feelings towards specific issues, and enables the relationships in a biological standpoint, to work. However, though there are several reasons for the benefits of the Kinship system, I believe it harbors negative feelings in the context.

For example, in Western society, when a man gives a gift to a woman in order to woo her, he assumes that the materialistic objects will compensate for his personality, attitude towards her, and for the potential love they may share. "Golddiggers" have received a bad name because they have chosen to marry a man who has enormous wealth, however, doesn't our society commend this behavior? If a woman were to propose to a man, or give him extravegant gifts, it is considered that the woman is being too "manly," and taking away his power. This double standard exists throughout history, and has not changed yet, perhaps because women want to continue receiving gifts that replace passion and love in a relationship, and the man wants to continue being the powerful force in the relationship.

Gift Giving

    Within all of the topics covered in discussion this week, the subject of women being the gifts for men made me contemplate even more on gender roles, both in American culture and cultures where arranged marriages are still prominent. Gayle Rubin's "The Traffic of Women" defines the roots of gender inequalities on more than just the economy, as so clearly demonstrated in "The Unhappy Marriage Between Marxism and Feminism," but within the very traditional kinship system. This system of control by men centered around the idea of gift giving  to expand social relations outside of the family, with women being the quintessential gift. In terms of arranged marriages, women are less than a gift, they are simply objects gambled and exchanged, bought and sold, used and abused, etc. They do not have a say in the matter and they do not benefit from this exchange.

     While sympathizing for women born in this societal arrangement, I then just become angry. How could women allow this cruel, unjust, disenfranchising system of which they are only commodities? Somebody needs to slap some common sense to them; somebody, anybody, needs to educate these women of something called "civil rights." But then again, women within in the United States also subject to a form of gift giving. Besides the fact that this form of gift exchange is not as degrading as in arranged marriages and besides the fact that American women express their disagreements to the gendered system more openly than in other countries, American women subject to gift giving because women think they are the beneficiaries. The pink bouquet, the chocolate boxes, the expensive jewelry, and every other thoughtful gesture by a male sways a woman straight into the arms of her gendered counterpart. But these gifts are only a part of the male game-plan. The gift is the cheese in the mouse trap that appears so delightful, but is strategically placed there to lure the mouse, or in this case female, to the real beneficiary, the male.

      Regardless of the form of gift exchange, all women capitulate to men. If not too scared and submissive to stand up for their rights, as in women of arranged marriages, then they appear brainless and gullible to any "nice" gender from the opposite sex. Undoubtably, social structures are deeply set into the culture, and therefore, change to the system seems an impossible task. Yet, so was slavery. Women need to gain awareness of the issue at hand, unite, and successfully fight for their innate rights.